People’s Jealousy

Have you ever been in a situation where you were aware that people were threatened by your action’s, words, thoughts, and deeds?  How did you react or respond to them?  How did their subtle behavior make you feel?  When people or co-worker’s did that to me, it made me feel terrible!  It made me question myself, and it made me feel very upset because I knew I had no motives but to do my job as accurately as I could,( which was pretty darn good) and, do my best.  Perhaps my best was better then their best- so they felt threatened!

Many a times, throughout my lifetime, I have been around people who were completely threatened by me, my giving attitude and nature, and my ability to work hard, be accurate, and to stay truthful, honest, and loyal to the company, as well as get my job done. 

I guess my one hand was faster then there’s! I guess I did everything with my heart, and they could not handle it. If one is not strong enough to handle jealousy, it can be a big deterrent towards working with others successfully.  It requires learning to not let other peoples looks, and behavior’s towards you get to you.  And that is a skill all of its own- especially if you are disabled. 

We are very sensitive, loving, caring, human beings that do not think about maliciously hurting others while working.  We just want to fit in!  We want to feel like others!  We want to feel as though we have a meaning and purpose in this world, and a place to go to and be constructive.  We think more about how we can do our job, and get it done.  We are not petty, subtle, and contrived.  We do not think of how we can hurt or harm others to get ahead in the process. 

Some how, experience after experience, living life the best and the fullest we can, we begin to develop a thick enough layer of skin to not let what others say effect us or our ability to work happily and productively. We learn or try to learn one experience at a time to not let people’s jealousy get in the way of our usefulness.

Some times are easier then others… And sometimes, they are very difficult!  Sometimes its like taking one step forward and 5 steps back.  Sometimes we think we are not learning and growing, yet we are.  We just don’t see it or recognize it!  Its all in the way we look at others, learn to interact with other’s, and how we choose to deal with other people’s emotions.

If we all learned to work together, in harmony, and learn to share our feelings constructively, without competition in the for-ground; as our main goal and focus… and learn to support and help each other’s in our endeavors, I don’t think we would feel the feeling which we do. I think then we could all learn to live together, get along with each other, and get ahead and not be resentful or jealous.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

Open to Learn

Ever since I can remember, no matter how difficult the challenge of learning was for me, I went the distance. Despite my Cerebral Palsy and Dyslexia, and despite being able to write my girlfriends last name instead of my own in first grade, I stayed the course.  I remember not being able to sleep at night.  I remember worrying my little head off, and thinking and staying up all hours of the night tossing and turning.  I remember my mother buying me a pink, Zenith, clock radio so that it would help lull me to sleep!  Do you think it helped?

Sometimes!  But most nights, I wound up turning the dial for another hour or two of clasical music  instead of falling fast asleep by 7:40p.m. I was up until 10 or 11 at night. I can remember rolling over in bed- to and fro, in constant movement and anguish.  My mind was never quiet or still.  It was always in deep, deep thought.  Many a nights I can remember tossing from side to side thinking…"How am I ever going to remember this stuff!" "How am I ever going to remember these words for my spelling test tomorrow…"  But some how I did.  Somehow, I got through-  Maybe it was mind over matter.  Maybe I did not realize the power of my word!

And for sure, I did not realize how deeply rooted and seeded my will to succeed was!  I really never realize the power of my thought.  The power of my intension’s. Nor, did I realize how determined I really was!  All I knew was that some how I was going to make it-  Some how I knew I HAD TO MAKE IT!

Some how, some way, I found myself trying to overcome and compensate for the barriers I faced.  I tried to recognize and counter act what was happening to me. I tried to retain, and I tried to make up and neutralize the blocks and barriers I had.  All I wanted was to be able to learn like the other children I went to school with; who pick up the material they were learning with ease.  I did not want to be made fun of, nor did I want my school work ripped up by bullies.

My learning never came with that ease for me.  It was always hard, difficult, and relentless!  It didn’t feel like I was, learning a thing- but I guess I did-  I was alway open to a new way of learning and new ways to listen or finding new technique’s or method’s that would help allow me to learn like others. 

I was open to listening, to find a better way, and I was open toward a solution to this learning problem I had.  I was open to someone who could really help me.  I guess because of my open- mind, and receptive attitude, it came to pass. And I am so very grateful I did.  Because I think…"Where would I be today if I was not!"

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Being Different and Unique

Having Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability has taught me many lesson’s in life. It has taught me to be grateful.  It has taught me Patience’s, and the capacity to handle delay, trouble, and for the most part not suffer or feel angry or upset at situations or experiences that have occurred in my life.

Yes, I have felt anger at moments.  However, I found constructive ways to deal with my anger and disappointments.  I learned to grow from these hurts and sadness.  I found ways to compensate for my hurt feelings, my hopes, and my non-fulfillments.  I found ways to ease that hurt and pain and learned to make and accept the best of it all.  I learned to bounce back and go beyond, too! 

I learned that all these experience’s made me a better person and human being.  These experiences taught me to feel very grateful for who I am and what all I have been through and accomplished in my life time.  Not to say that it has been easy- because it hasn’t!  But I have learned to ride the roller-coaster and take the bumps! And, I have learned to count my blessing, give to other’s what I have learned, and I have risen above what "other people" thought of me.

Being different and unique has shown and taught me how beautiful a person I really am. And, it has made me real aware of how unique I am!  Being different, and unique, while having Cerebral Palsy is really and truly a gift!  These uniqueness have left an indelible mark within my being.  It has not only nourished me to be me. But It has nourished me to be the best person I could become, and has made me continually reach for my goals and dreams!  It has brought out the kind, compassionate and giving part of me and my nature and made me different than the norm.  It has enabled me to fight for whatever I thought was really right in my world,in my thoughts, and idea’s and desires.  It has made me a better human being  in all areas of my life.

No matter what the feelings are, I will continue to be and stay the unique and different person that I am…

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment »