To Have and to Hold

I can’t believe that I have been with the same man, now, for twenty years.  Society feeds its disabled son’s and daughter’s the lie that a romantic relationship is impossible.  This convenient lie is designed to endorse a comfortableness that we are to remain docile robots for ever more. However, this is not the case.  This take’s away our own power, makes us less independent or interdependent on our significant other, and it puts our relationship out of balance.

A marriage, like a job, a hobby, or a spiritual belief, is an individual choice.  Many do not feel we are capable of making those choices at all.  We are rather to react to the choices made for us, by our enlightened overseer’s.  I spent many years trying to find a person I wished to be with.   Some men see disabled women as not fully realized, an object off research, rather than a partner.  they may seek someone to mold, rather than love.  With good intension’s, they may even try to manipulate.  It is very important to establish individual autonomy.  Your husband or wife is not a caregiver.  They want to care for you because they love you, but, they should not try to have an agenda for your daily life.  You decide what you wear, what you eat, and the one-hundred  other details of living your life serenely and happily.  With laughter, hope, and harmony.

My dear, sweet Mama Katie, always taught me that when walking down the street with your man, you should feel proud to be with him.  She taught me to show him, and share him with the world.  Those were beloved lessons- Lessons I took to my heart.

I learned these lesson a long time ago, way back in my twenties and thirties.  I learned not to rush anything in my life, to look for the good, and to be positive in everything I say, do and think- I also learned to listen very carefully to those unspoken words that were not said.  I learned to trust my instincts, my intuitive self and inner judgement.  I further learned not to settle for the first guy that came my way, to sweet talk me off my feet.

In looking back on these last twenty-one years of my life, I wonder where all these years went as I still feel young, vibrant, and spry.  I still have a vigor, vim  and vitality for life, and a whole lot more to give.  I see with a reflective eye, and a wise wisdom of experiences, like a fine wine sitting in a decanter waiting to be uncorked.

That’s what twenty-one years with the same man, who said he wanted to dance every dance with me.  We have lived together, sometimes with rough seas, and periods of calm.  All and all it has been worth while and exciting to have a man of truth, honor, and dignity by my side.  

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My Red Desoto

Just a few weeks ago, I began cycling again, after having toe surgery. It felt so good getting decked out in my biking outfit, and riding down the tree covered streets once again,  My husband, Chris,  helped me attach my helmet strap, my glove strap, and my feet onto my shoe petals.  And I was good to go-

Who says people with Cerebral Palsy can’t do the same kind of activities as "normal" people do!

I remember the first time I ever got onto a bike.  That was back when I was only 8 years old.  It  was something I only did one time, yet I knew that that was something I’d like to do again if given the chance.

I knew some how, some way, in the depths of my heart, I could do it.  All I needed was a little help, from a kind hearted someone. I also knew that all I needed was help with a few technicality’s (like bucking my foot to keep it in place, so it would not move, and protection on my head and hands.) Then, I could ride my bike like any one else-  I would then be able to go any where I wanted and ride as fast as the wind would take me.   This joyful activity would give me more freedom.  It would be yet another way to worked my body out.  And, it would bring me much pleasure, contentment, and loads of fun-  I knew that if I could get this worked out, then I could do it.  There was no question or doubt in my mind.  I knew some how, some way, this opportunity would arise again if I stayed positive and focused.  

I kept these thought in my mind, till one day, when my husband came home with a surprise gift for me.  Chris told me to come out side with him for a minute.  So I did.  I remember looking up, and there down the driveway was sitting a blue bicycle next to our car.  That was about 13 years ago.  While standing there and gasping with utter amazement, my heart skipped a beat. I was truly surprised.  I was elated, and ecstatically happy.  My  dream had come true!  This gift, was a cherished hope, and a thought of a real possibility, that I too would accomplish one day.  Somehow, I kept these thoughts alive in my being until that one, special day, it all come true!  It was a quiet prayer and hope that was answered; as I only made mentioned of it once.  My husband made this dream come true for me.  How special is that!  He also made me feel very loved as he made me a very happy girl!  However, it is not the bike you see in the pictures here. 

The first bike was blue, and sat much higher.  When I would ride down hills, it made me feel very insecure, so, one Saturday afternoon, Chris, and I went looking for new ones.  We looked in a few bicycle store’s, and then, at the last shop, which was near our house, I found this perfect, beautiful, red Desoto .  It was all mine and I was going to take it home with me-

Now,  after all these years, I am still riding it and keeping it very shiny with TLC.  Chris has made some pedal modifications, too!  These modifications help me to petal faster, as well as keeps my foot on.  I no longer have to call my hubby every few minutes to fix my foot, and I have more power to push and pull.  This helps tremendously when I am on a hill, stop light, or just want to go faster.  My foot does not slip out of the strap, either any more-  I can tell you honestly, that I feel very secure with my bike, and,  I love and adore riding it.

Even though I need some help in order to go biking, I welcome every opportunity I get.   It is not only a treat, but something I enjoyed tremendously.  It  keeps me fit, trim and in shape, and  more than that, it  free’s my spirit.   It makes me feel like a a kid again!  I can do what everybody else does.  And, It make me feel vibrant and alive! It energizes me, 

What’s more, I can visually picture me now, riding along side all the other children in my neighborhood that I would watch joyfully riding down the streets with this carefree, exuberance. Now instead of feeling left out, it has helped made me feel complete…  I get lots of smiles and thumbs-up from other cyclist, too!

Now, all I have to do is ask my hubby if he wants to go for a cycle, and off we go!  We take my Healer/ Terrier mix breed dog, Patches, for her run as well.  It couldn’t be more fun.  She runs about a mile with daddy and then rides the rest of the way with me, mommy:>) Lately, we have been doing a lot more riding since gasoline prices have risen.  We cycle well over 3 miles one way to our open air market to get our fresh fruits and veggies on Saturday mornings. While other times, we have taken our bikes to the strand, in Redondo Beach, California, and rode all the way to Marina Del Ray, and back.  Still other times, we’ve packed our bikes up in the truck,  drove to a particular point, unload our two and three wheelers from our vehicle, and off we ride-  Last time, we petaled from Venice Beach, CA. all the way  to the Santa Monica pair. 

During the summer months, Chris and I  pack up our brown bag of goodies, and have an ocean front view of the water; while eating our lunch or dinner to the sweet crashing sounds of the waves.  We have enjoyed many a meal with the gentle,sea breeze blowing its currents ever so sweetly upon our face.

You couldn’t ask for anything better than that, can you!

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