Focusing on Forging Ahead

My dear readers.  I know it may seem as thought a lifetime has gone by since I have last written, but you’d be pleased to know that I haven’t fallen off the face of the earth.  As I type these words, I sit with an arm bandage on my right hand so that I can write these words to you.  I injured it by doing my daily routine and have been quietly sitting still while healing.  Yet, the thoughts of what I was going to write next, continued.   Having an injury did not hampered my ability to pick up my writing where I left off.  Now that I am  a bit better, and can use my fingers without unbearable pain, there is a great deal I wish to say. 

My thoughts and desires are not to bring you the ordinary and the mundane.  My strong wish is to bring you thought provoking articles to make you think twice about.  My entries may not be every week, but the depth and thought I put into each article I hope will touch something off inside of you.  I bring you these articles with a passion  and a commitment to enlighten the world you live in, and, the thoughts you may feel.  I bring you these article’s in the fashion I do; to stir your thoughts, and to challenge the ordinary within you.  My purpose is to arouse and awaken the sleeping part which holds you back from treating people like me, with little dignity and true respect.  This journey of mine will not cease!  I will continue to jar and pry open the many controversial thoughts which our society still denies, and tries to deem unworthy of listing to.  I  will carry the torch  until I see proof of our world treating us with the same dignity and respect the able population gets treated with.   My writing may be few and  far between, but, my words will speak volumes, and be worth listening to.  It will change your thinking beyond any whelm.

I’d like to share my perspective in a very safe, caring, healing kind of way.  I’d like to tell you all about my thoughts and feelings as a people with physical challenges.   I have kept my minds eye open towards finding the article and words that would reflect all of my thoughts and feelings and experiences.  I have been on a sabbatical recently, while working in many other areas of my life. 

Perhaps the most interesting of all, is the fact that I have been editing my memoir for the last 6 months, and, working with an agent and many other people to enlighten, open minds, and give true account of what Cerebral Palsy is all about.  Day in, and day out, I think of not only writing article’s that will mean something to others reading my blog, but also to bring a new perspective of looking and dealing with many given daily situations so to be treated as an equal person, in a world where people push our talents and desires off with a simple role of an eye, a condescending pat on the arm, and a comment that gives little credence to what we are truly capable of achieving, and what we do to earn an honest living and make our achievements possible. 

This is never more true than in my own efforts to teach not only adaptive aerobics, Pilates, and yoga, but in crossing over to our “normal” population. Time in again, in well over forty some odd years, I rapidly find that no one believes that I, a person with left side hemiplegic, Cerebral Palsy, could be efficient at teaching dance as I do.  I have proven this fact more times than I care to count.  However, this fact takes people out of their comfort zone.  This fact destroys fifty years of telethon brainwashing.  And, this fact, does not help people like you and me get ahead financially, mentally, or emotionally.

This fact, keeps us right where they want us.  They don’t have to say anything, or do anything, except continue to lie to our faces, with all the so called rules and laws properly in place.   Thankfully, not everyone feels this way.  Still, the comments and undercurrents continue.   We are told “Oh you teach…!” yet, they won’t hire me as their teacher or consultant.  They don’t give me a chance to do what it is that I am well rounded and experienced in doing. Thus, the insecurity comes in, because no one truly believes in my ability.  Therefore, I am ALWAYS trying to prove myself a trillion times over.  If only I was given the same chance-  If only people could look at me in the same way they look at there peers- If only they could see beyond their eyes-

Sometimes  an initial acceptance turns into nothing but pike dreams.  It is so much easier for people to talk about equality, than actuality practice it.  A comfortable phrase replaces action.  People wish us luck instead of doing anything.  People ask about our daily living skills instead of what’s in our hearts and minds. Also, they treat us as though we don’t know any better.  This has happened time and time again in my life.  And I have to keep forging forward to prove myself and focus ahead to do more.  

Thankfully, I have been able to hold true to my true self.  I alone neVER turned my back on myself.  I forged forward.  I put belittling aside.  Took hold of the reigns\’, and galloped triumphantly.   I’ve done the impossible.  I have moved forward in ways people in the “normal” world told me I’d NEvER be able to achieve or accomplish.  In the coming months ahead, I will be traveling not only to Utah, but I am planning a 15 day excursion to Canada and New England.  I will be traveling the seas and seeing the vistas of our country side.  And, if everything works out, I will be taking a trip of a life time with three dear, precious friends to Africa. 

With all of this, one would think I wouldn’t have to focus so hard on the simple things we call life!

Tags: Medical Experiences
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Historical Ironies

This entry was written by a dear friend of mine.  Sean P. Dineen. I have known him for five years now.  He not only is a professor at Kean University, as an adjunct teacher, but he is a fellow C.P.er.  Please welcome him kindly.

As a historian, and amateur writer, it gives me a sort of dry amusement to find incongruities in the record of our daily and national lives.   Since, my dear and beloved friend, Ms. Karen Lynn has allowed me the honor of sharing her public sound board, this holiday afternoon, I thought I’d dust off a few. 

   There is greater physical accessibility in South Africa, than the United States for wheelchair users, and it’s been so for forty years, in spite of apartheid.   The most democratic nation on earth, drags its feet in bringing our community into national life, while the nation most reviled over the past half century, shows the lead.   Making the country accessible was the brainchild of Prime Minister Hendrick Verwoerd, the public symbol of Afrikaner Basskaap (domination).   He simply, summoned 12 of the country’s top businesspeople and told them, the accessibility problem was to be solved in a month.  He told them that they could have any government help they needed, and if they failed they would be shot.

Too direct? perhaps, but the job got done.      Without advocating, bullying, I sometimes wish for a little of that sort of dedication on our government leaders, in both parties.    The assumption is too often, that the focus must be on medical treatments, rehab, and that certainly has its place, but as Karen has told you, and as I can tell you, the real struggle is in taking our place in the larger world.    This is what society sometimes is uncomfortable with.   It’s easy to give money to a telethon, yet it’s not so easy to understand the subtly of what most of us deal with.

I am a doctoral student, moving heaven and earth to get this degree, obtain full time employment, and financial independence. Although, the experts have no help for me.  The agencies, believe I can do it entirely alone, or that this goal of mine, despite $90000 spent, and nine semesters as an adjunct, is unreachable.   They would rather spent time at a conference in the Fiji Islands.

   This degree is my one path, and yet they do not see! That’s another irony.  They who use all the right words, and smile, do nothing! And the people who one would think know little and care less are cheering me on.   All of you, my friends, have desire to do something in your own way.   May God Grant you, and I to get that chance to stand metaphorically in the sunlight, and bask in all we are to become.

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The World in Which We REALLY Live

Sometimes I wonder!   I really wonder if our world and society truly understands us, or, if they whole-heartedly care!   I seriously wonder and ask myself over, and over again, if they ever will?  I ask you, what do you think?  How do you feel?  Have you ever experienced anything such as I have? would you be kind enough to write and share your thoughts with me for your support?

I will tell you honestly, that I have spent many a sleepless night; rocking myself to sleep with worry. I have cradled  myself, saturated in tears, with a feeling of disgust , hurt, emotional pain, devastation, and deep despair of “how am I going to conquer the un-conquerable;” while staying positive, focused, and still reaching my goals of becoming productive in a world that doesn’t want to see me productive at all.

It is real hard!  And, it is very unacceptable to me.  It’s an inconclusive matter, that goes on and on. And never goes away!  it is insupportable, intolerant, and very tedious and hard to endure.  What’s more, is that no one truly see’s or feels it.  These unhappy feelings come from a life-time of dealing with people who hold degree’s, and are professional experts which hold powerful, unyielding, torches  that are resolute in inflexibility, uncompromising help, and unshakeable policies and procedures which cause their clients undo social, emotional, and economic grievances and hardships.  These “experts” don’t realize the injury to health they cause us in body, mind, and spirit.  It is an insult to our dignity, and a gross negligence on their part to the people who need a sincere hand up in order to make it in this life.   It is awful, and sickens me!   It is a dreadful limitation which they and society puts on us unfairly!

What if they invested their time in us?  The truth is, that they and our society for the last thirty years or so, are so money hungry, and oriented, that they can’t nor will they invest their time in us; weather we are inflected with a physical disability or injury or not!  They would rather make us a vegetable of the state, declaring us victims of society.  And when we fight for our lives, they fight even harder with convenient cover-ups only to lock away the key and throw it away forever more!

It is as if we are only allowed to progress at a rate our experts are comfortable with.  The idea that we could surpass there conclusions or evaluations is a huge jeopardy, unwelcome truth, and danger to them!  These experts refuse to acknowledge that “We wish to lead normal lives.” This is very frightening, treating, and  harassing.  We are intimidation to them as we and our healthy desires, despite our physical limitations, hound and plaque their physics.  Yet we don’t have the kind of money others have, to help ourselves.

The thought of us taking action for ourselves, or surpassing their expectations of us, causes them great humiliation; which in return cause’s then to take drastic measures upon us.  It also causes bodily retribution to us; the people who struggle to make it in this world the most.  Because we have no other course, or financial funds to make our dreams happen on our own, we work, deal, and bend over backwards to be agreeable with then, with every breath in our being.

Although, since It goes against everything they have been taught to believe about us; with a  sly, underhanded, and sneaky vengeance, they purposely cause strife and hardship upon us.   It is ridiculous that I have had to spend a life-time (57 years) pleading for the right to exist in a world that really knows no kindness or equality!

The idea of achievement is used to channel our energy into pleasing those who think they know what we should be doing with our lives!  We have to waste our precious time, time, and time, and time again, convincing them we are allowed to live our lives out as we see fit!

I know I have talked about this may times before; however this issue never gets resolved. It just gets worse.   I have known other people in the disabled community, who face similar struggles.  Yet social workers and explorers insist and demand, without contradiction, getting and emphatically being involved in every aspect of our lives, even if we say no or don’t want their help. They don’t listen.  They don’t truly care, and they just keep on!

Yet, they won’t give us the right to choose, or have the chance to succeed.  They won’t give us the dignity, the state or quality of being worthy, or the honor of respect; to choose our desired interest to cave out a perfect place for our own selves, same as they have been given the gift to do. Its all a double standard, and a hypocrisy.  It is a convenient way to condemn and invoke as an accusation where the conflicts are manifested as truths in there behalf, and where our humanly rights have little justification of strength, or testimony of attribute to our human behavior in society.

They think they know everything we should and shouldn’t do.  They put us in a place where we have to beg and plead, and then we are put on a merry-go-round hoping against hope for endless periods of time.   I am getting real sick and tired of giving my all to get ahead in life, only to give these people the right to hold this kind of power and judgement over my life.  Are you?  This paternalism is the worst evil in the history of our lives. Somehow we must all help to change this.  We have to put and end to it as I tried over thirty years ago.   Lets speak out, not be shy, and lets speak out in unison, as one!  Help me please, won’t you?

Tags: attitudes
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