Wednesday, July 1st, 2009 by Karen Lynn
It hardly seems possible that I have been writing for Audacity Magazine for well over a year, now. Every article I have written has been a new challenge. Every article, I have written, has been as different as the article before. And every article I write comes from a place of understanding, compassion, and a sincere honesty to enlighten the public. I would definitely have to say, however, that they have all been like every other article in this magazine; connected with the one purpose of exploring the daily lives and feelings of the disabled community.
In a big, way, attempts have never been made to move beyond daily living skills, to understand and explore the other aspects of our lives. Thus, these articles, which I have written, have been crafted, created, and revealed to the public so that light may be shed. I have seen articles here, on everything from learning to drive, to romance, travel, and remembering the great leasers of our past. I don’t know other than blogs, of a place, in which the great leaders of our community could gather together and express exactly what was on their minds. This is invaluable, because it reminds all of us that we are not ever alone.
My experience, writing for Audacity Magazine, has not only made me more determined to move forward with my own life, but to experience writing for a prestigious magazine, when at one time, three and a half decades ago, I could not even form a constructive sentence by myself. To be accepted by Natashasa, has not only been a powerful experience for me, but it has reminded me that I was right! I clung to the belief that I could learn, and I did. I clung to the belief that I had a right to an education and I got one. And, I clung to the awareness that I was going to make a mark on this world. And, just like all of you, I have! I have determined, in the depths of myself that, no one was going to define my personhood. No one was going to tell me, or make me believe that I was less than what I was. No one was going to take away the healthy self-esteem and autonomy I fought for. But writing for this magazine has taken me a step further. Each time, in every way, that I write another article, for this magazine; I am reminded of my own progress, and, I am reminded of all the other valuable gifts I have to share with the world.
Tags: News-worthy
Posted in Published Articles | 3 Comments »
Saturday, June 6th, 2009 by Karen Lynn
Isn’t it interesting, that still, in today’s society, we find indentations and grooves chiseled out in our expansive society which tries to prevent and stop our disabled population, our seniors, our financially limited person, and the less affluent from truly surviving, staying a float, or earning a decent living of their own.
How many times have you seen in the lower economic areas prices being hiked up, and increased? You would think it would be just the opposite, wouldn’t you? Well, that is not the case at all. Prices seem to soar and swell in the location and locality that need to hang on to it the most. Even though our funds are limited, and we want to use our cash wisely, we cannot. We are looked at differently, talked to differently, and come across with a different social and economic regard. We are in an unlike economic community that has been lock in, dead bolted, and padlocked for life.
The money in which we receive from one’s supplemental income aught not be frittered away by the interested parties which specifically aim, and aspire to zero in and target. Where is the social justice and the true moral concern? Where is the moral competence of big business or government to rein in and stop these unfairness’? When will big brother take responsibility and be accountable for their acts of immoral travesties? And, when will they stop taking advantage of, and stop gouging the weakest link.
If you look carefully you will find your friendly neighborhood markets, gas stations, medical facilities, employers, prescription drug companies, independent living facilities, transportation services; all giving us the least amount of respect, supply, and conveniences, for the most buck! They smile at us sweetly while they score and gouge us royally. We pay more out of pocket expenses while the pharmaceutical drug companies profit and get rich.
We as a community are sadly being faced with the realities of price discrimination while being charged retail prices. We are penalized economically, by being strictly limited by a basic welfare wage. First because we are a less net cost to society; and second, because we are disabled. We are exploited. It cost the government more to train us, teach us, coach us; and get equipment for us, thus, as a result, we are denied and deterred employment. We are subjugated in the unjust way that we are because the disabled are so called “in a depended role,” we daily, are not to be taken seriously. Nor, can we be represented because of this. They are not meeting our needs at all- we live well below poverty level, yet what positive actions do we see the government and all it constituents to make a difference in our lives? Do they do anything to help those who what to do something about there own circumstances? Do they reach there hand out to help us climb out and move up the ladder?
We also are charged double the price for prescription drugs, while drug makers are giving favor to their most valued customers. Because of our enormous collective buying power, we, the Medicare beneficiary practice price discrimination. Moreover, how many of us in the last three or four years pay for a Medicare prescription drug plan monthly, but don’t use it at all because we can’t take drugs due to allergies or allergic reactions towards them? It seems as though our monthly checks don’t even get us through the month. The more we try to rise out of the trenches of the system, the more stumbling blocks, obstructions, and blockades we have to scale. We are not treated with a social justice or a moral competence. We as the disable community pay extra coast out of pocket which we really don’t have. There are laws which have been put together to pray on the weakest in society.
So what will you say or do to help to change this desperately needed basis?
Now is your time to speak out. Take a risk. Stand up for yourself and for your life, and what you rightfully deserve. Let your voice be heard. Pay it forward. While you help yourself, you will be standing up, and positioning yourself to form an ever lasting link. Let your voice be that moral voice to be reckoned with. Don’t be afraid of your politician, your friends, or family and what they may say or think. I’m sure they will respect you if not now, later! Speak out for what you believe in! Reach out to make your thoughts and feelings known! If you don’t share them, these politicians will never know! That is the only way change will ever happen. That is the only way we will be taking action to make this a kinder gentler place for all of us. We will become partners in the disabled community, and our voices will be heard. That is the only way we will be recognized. The only way we will be taken seriously, And, the only way we will be listen to!
Let us unite. Let us come together. We must join forces. We must bridge the gap, more now than ever before. We must share our stories with people in power and office. We must make a difference in our community and society. It all starts with us- We must speak out with everything we’ve got- In this way; we will form a bond, a friendship, an attachment, and a connection that can never be broken. We will form a more perfect union to pass on to other generations to come. We must speak out and make that difference to change laws and regulations that prey on the weakest person in society. We must engage ourselves in what ever way we can to make our voices, our word, our influence, our right-to-be-heard, our vote, or even our own say so to bring equality and justice for disabled people nation wide to enact equality for all.
We must not think twice of judging or condemning. We must not look down upon ourselves or our name as disabled human beings. We need to work together, as a team to vindicate and restore our sweet name as disabled men and woman who did not choose to be handicap at all or be paralyzed with special needs. And, most importantly, we must put a stop towards this inhumane, immoral, unsocial way of life. We must fill up every hole and crack, and have each of our priceless penny’s begin to count.
Tags: Opinions
Posted in Life Skills, Published Articles | No Comments »
Thursday, May 14th, 2009 by Karen Lynn
“What’s in a name?” Shakespeare wrote in Romeo and Juliet. “That which we call a rose by any other name smell as sweet.” I ask you, what do you think of the word Handicap? How does it affect you? How does it make you feel? And, how does it digest within your own conscious and subconscious being. Does it make you angry, hurt, enraged, or does it make you feel beside yourself? Does it leave a bitter taste in your mouth, or does it make you feel more at ease or comfortable?
There are so many definitions for this word; handicappable, disabled, cripple, and challenged; these are only a few descriptives’ that are used regularly throughout our world today. Each on there own, carry a big weight. Each, by themselves, takes on a whole new meaning, connotation, and undertone. Depending on how we see, think, and perceive things, within our own selves, lives, and the world around us. That will be the ultimate determining factor. It all depends on how we see things and look at life. Our impressions, perceptions, and concepts- This is called our belief structure. All of these factors make up conviction. Particularly, what we were taught by our own parents; friends, and family members.
Each feeling, and each judgment, based on reason or actual experience, along with specific prejudices and pre-conceived opinions and ideas can and will affect us, as well as alter how we live, and view the world and people around us. They can all vary a person’s belief system. What one person thinks is positive; another could find it down right rude and insulting. I pose this to my readers to not only open up this word for discussion, and dialogue, but to create a safe, and secure atmosphere where we all can talk freely and openly as well as acquire the benefit of each others experience, so that we can gain a whole new outlook, understanding of, and interpretation to not only encounter what that word means to us, but, what it means to each other, and all it represents.
Having Cerebral Palsy, myself, and hearing these words all my life makes me think about how others feel. It makes me want to ask questions, see how other people think, deal with, and react to these words; but it especially make me what to know how you have been swayed and molded. It is an unavoidable reality that these physical challenges and daily occurrences change how we all look and deal with life on a daily basis. They are all too real. It not only impacts other people’s lives and attitudes, but it affects those directly closes to us. It absolutely affects whom and what we are; as we can see concrete results taking hold in all areas of our daily lives. We are an exceptionally aware species, who have a six sense. We can tell when others hold back what they truly feel, when one interjects with a conniving control, and begins to assign rules and regulations of what we are and aren’t truly capable of doing and becoming.
Why, you may be asking yourself? Well, because people will be people. People well look at us and judge us thought their own prism of experience. They will look at us through their own light and transparency. They will intellectually think they know better or more then us. That is why it is so very important to analyze our own thinking, our own attitudes, and our inner most thoughts.
There are so many old fashion words, and terminologies that are still used in today’s culture and society that are derogatory, and show a critical or disrespectful, disregard for us as people. Even though out-mouted, these words are still used. They seek to limit us as individuals and our dignity as human beings. They take away all our pride to move forward. Some of these ideas and concepts sell a forced notion and an obligation of what we are and are not allowed to become. In every aspect of our lives, there is an entire set of rules and regulations written and unwritten which the general public believes and leans towards. It is imperative that each of us, in our own way, search our souls at our core root, and make a conscious choice to be visible, and communicate these feelings within our community.
The more active we communicate and share, the more confident we become. We gain a self-worth to reach out more to others, as we inspire and encourage. As we do this, we summon up hope for all. We help others to get out of themselves, as we aspire others to think new thoughts, and reach for new goals. Moreover, the more we engage freely in all activities, the more empower we become. Not just to help ourselves, but to help each other as, we breakdown the walls of isolation, separation, and exclusion. We easily and effortlessly introduce new ideas and ways to look and maneuver through life.
The more active and willing we become, the more engaged and committed we become to give back and make a difference in our community, in the things we say, and the friendships we have entrust, the more we summon up and invoke a new belief system. We initiate insightful meaning in things we share dialogue about. We have a chance to make a difference, open up new channels, and make new passages towards the way people talk, think about us, and use words from there heart. By being mindful, sympathetic, and conscientious, people will learn to treat us with dignity, and respect. By doing so, we will be passing it forward. We will be making a difference, and hopefully, change people’s attitudes. Perhaps one day they won’t utter words of contempt. Life will takes on a whole new meaning as we become a vital voice, and source contributing to everyone in our community.
In closing, I think the most important thing to remember is to retain ultimate decision making over our own lives. That is the only way we can thrive and survive in this world. That is the only way we can make a true difference. It is the main ingredient to live up to our fullest potential. This way, we will demonstrate to all those around us that our word and desires mean something and have merit. We will exhibit to the world that we want our thoughts, and our desires to be taken seriously. We will show everyone that these wishes are to be reached for and to be fulfilled. And that no one can take them away from us. No one!
By demonstrating our determination and staying steadfast to our thoughts and beliefs, we will teach the world and the people around us that our word means something and warrants respect, admiration, credibility, and is to be valued with high-regard. If we hold fast to these truths at our core the impossible will become possible!
Tags: Words
Posted in Motivational and Moving, Published Articles | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009 by Karen Lynn
Did you ever happen to wonder or think twice about the basic, essential facts and the fundamental truths of men and women with Cerebral Palsy? Have you ever raised the question within yourself about our feelings on romantic identities, and why it is that we as challenged individuals cannot be looked at equally, talked to on an equal basis, or understood completely? We are dismissed because our disability is thought to make us stupid. Do you think it is always us? This area of dissection, which is readily unspoken about, is most difficult for the largest part to swallow. It is hard to believe, to the average person’s eye; that there indeed are some very capable people out there with disabilities such as myself.
Unfortunately, people find it to dark an area to discuss, or talk about, let alone- cope with! It is all too easy to put on our rose color glasses and hide with a false comfort. In general, people and the world around us would rather ignore the matter at hand. They would rather turn away from the neediness and the desperateness that over-shadows disabled people’s true being. They would rather continue to believe the myths, and regard us as the “cute, innocent, naive children” forever living in this forgotten bubble, who have no desires at all!
This morose and morbid fascination with our capabilities, or to be more specific, our incapability’s in the romantic arena or lack there off is ignored. The fact that we may wish, or think of having an ordinary, healthy, friendship, or even a romantic relationship with another consenting, loving, caring, human being; much less get married, is just too disgusting, too revolting, and too sickening. It is too extreme, too challenging, and too confrontational. Moreover, it is very provocative and shocking to others and the norm.
For pretty much my entire life, I unyieldingly struggled with every bated breath I have taken. Not only was it for my own core essence and being to exist, but, it was in my chosen passion, which was of the arts… It was the desire to be able to express myself freely in a world of dance, music, and literature; which helped me to relinquish and release the bars that I wore on my leg and in my brain– also, because I did not want to be looked down upon as a typical helpless victim.
Thus, I did everything in my power to strive and thrive- I had wants, needs, and desires, and I wanted to be given the same equality and chance to express myself in the areas I loved and cherished most. I reasoned… that if other men and women of my age and generation could accomplish their goals and dreams- including having a boyfriend, then why couldn’t I! I could easily work on my inner-self- my strengths and weaknesses, to become the best person I could be. I felt that that was the healthiest way to approach my life. However, too often, others where quick to judge! Consequently time and time again I was put to the test- only to searched my soul, readjusted my thoughts, and daily re-committed myself to living that healthy “normal life,” in a society, which continued to tell me “I couldn’t!”
My self-worth came from the gentle, romantic way in which I cared for myself. It was the way that I dressed, the time that I took to primp and fuss, and the way I took that extra moment to look the very best that I could for each given situation. It was the way that I nourished my body, my mind, and the way I acted. It was the honest and pro-active, empowering way I conducted myself. It was the way I looked up to those eloquent people who were positive, happy and joyfully succeeding in life. I took the good, positive; things I liked, and let go of all the rest; as I continued to develop a sense of my own inner-being. I began to see how others were attracted to me. They began to look beyond my left side hemiplegia, Cerebral Palsy, and learning disability. They began to see me for me. Thus, I embraced myself and my life even more than I already had. My romantic sense came from all this innate wisdom, insight, willingness to change, and the knowledge I read.
Yes, I have been challenged, ridiculed, stood up on dates, however, disputed all the intense examinations, crewl remarks, I have risen despite the harshest of securitization. I have found a man who loves me for me, and I have happily been married, for twenty years now. Despite my physical challenges I was able to find a love, a partner, and a life of my own, despite what the world thought of me.
Tags: Relationships
Posted in Living With a Physical Disability, Published Articles | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009 by Karen Lynn
It was 1976, a day like all others. I was 25 years old, walking out of a beige and brown stucco building from a meeting that just ended with California Department of Rehabilitation. What was different was that I had had just about all I could handle! I was infuriated, humiliated, and dishonored. As I walked out the door of the office, and took the elevator to the main level, step by step the anger grew inside of me. I felt as though I had just been whipped and tortured.
I walked to my car, opened my car door, and began to cry hysterically. I was hurt, marred, and very wounded. I was just told that I would not be able to carry out my life the way I desired. Somebody else in power was trying to impose their idea of what a “normal” life or a person with a disability should be.
I was told that I could not go to college like other “normal young adults.” I was conveniently labeled mentally retarded for a second time in my life, and my dreams of becoming a dance and recreation therapist were shattered. My dreams of learning the things I never learned in 12 years of grade school felt like they were being stripped away for good. My chance to live a life, like everyone else, and to be looked at with dignity and respect were immediately being crushed, trodden over, and violently subdued.
All I wanted was to be able to live my life like all people. All I wanted was to be accepted in this world, and society, and live a productive life; with purpose and meaning in the areas I knew best. All I wanted was a chance to move forth, to learn, and to better myself, and the conditions I was all too familiar with. I wanted to succeed and make something of myself. I did not want to fritter my life away in front of the television set becoming a vegetable of the state.
I had much, much higher goals and expectations of myself. I had far more dignity and pride than they were willing to toss me. And, what’s more, is that I had far more tenacity and courage then they could ever muster! They did not know who they were dealing with. Know body knew who Karen Lynn Hershkowitz was.
I wanted to do more. I was open, resilient, and receptive to learn. I was willing to do what ever it took. I wanted to properly be able to construct and write a clear, clean, concise, put together sentence without any help from others. Not so far fetched in this 21st century, although for the 20th century, which I was born, and raised; it was an enormous obstacle! They were not going to allow me to learn. They, the (State Department of Rehabilitation) were not going to allow “this” disabled person, with Cerebral Palsy and a learning disability to go to college. It’s very true that we are conveniently discriminated against and still are subtly.
I was not going to put up with this indirect abuse. Nor was I going to sit back on my laurels. Something snapped. Something deep within my soul told me to not give up or give in. I got in my car, drove home and began to plot. I could not sit still on this matter. Thus, the next day, I was writing letter after letter and making phone call after phone call to file a lawsuit to solve this issue at hand. What I did not know is that I would have to fight this battle completely alone. I did not know how long this would take, or how much agony I would have to go through. But I knew that I would be fighting for an entire people.
This act that I was about to take, had never been done before. It had never been undertaken so boldly, and never had such a person such as myself; from the disabled community, chosen to break out of what “the experts believed she could do!” So bold the act was, it never been dreamed of before. No one in the disabled community before me ever had the nerve, guts, courage, spirit, and bravery to challenge the system, and the established stereotypes, and all their beliefs, verbal battering, and contempt’s for our desires, efforts, and needs, were held to be meaningless.
I would not sit in an office, and surrender control of my life and being; to a perfect stranger, who sat higher on the totem pole, without any understanding of the price I had to pay. They had their degree, they had their title, and they were determined not to allow me to have either. They could handle more severe versions of my disability because those people they thought could be controlled. There was no way, heaven on earth that I was going to be controlled, manipulated and forbidden to carry out my plans or destiny in the manor I saw fit. It would take years, but I won. I got the degree, and now, twenty-eight years later, I am proudly working towards a B.A.
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Friday, January 30th, 2009 by Karen Lynn
Sitting in the quiet solitude of my own four walls, my mind and thoughts will gently carry me back to very clear images of my past. These vivid memories are a touch tone towards greater understanding and healing of past experiences that I have had. In a blink of an eye, it doesn’t seem real all the time that has gone by since my father’s passing and my grandmother and Uncle’s physical deterioration with Parkinson’s disease.
These three important people in my immediate circle, where products of another era. It was difficult for them to express how they felt and what they desired. But, they were all souses of life giving lessons to me whether I agreed with them or not. They were an instrument towards my understanding the generations of dysfunction and lack of hands on affection in my family, and the wisdom of a young child who saw beyond the whelm, and wanted to move beyond, and towards the light of a better way of living, interacting with others, and being harmonic within the world around me.
All of these people were viewing someone very close to them, dealing with a disability, in a time that was thought to make a normal life impossible. I was from the very beginning, determined to live as though I didn’t have the limitations of my body, or, the “crippling attitudes” of the larger society to deal with. It would never have seemed possible for me to go out into this world and thrive with the attitudes and beliefs I was brought up with. Because, most of my family; especially my mother, was caught up in the daily business of dealing with a disable child and everything that came along with it. While my father came from even an earlier generation than my mother, and he had lost his mother, and was raised by a grandmother, so his focus was on earning a living. That left little time for anything else.
I had to figure out a lot for myself because my father passed away when I was only fourteen. This was just one experience in a period of several years that I lost loved ones. This forced me to be very self reliant, confident, and interdependent. So, it was all put upon my mother to raise my older sister and myself. Although, my dear Mama Katie didn’t quite know how much I could handle, or, how to totally express herself to me or say what was on her mind; she truly understood that I needed a lot more to become the person I was meant to be.
It is hard to remember what a radical idea this was in a time of separation for our community very similar to the segregated south. My mother had to remember the balance I needed, so that I could thrive, grow and develop my inner and outer self. My mother needed to understand two great truths. First, that there needed to be time to relax, regroup, and rest. And secondly, this was even harder, I knew there were thing I needed to accomplish which she wanted to protect me from.
The first time my mother ever had the courage, the strength, and the ability to acknowledge her own error in thinking there were limits to what I could do, was the day I earned my college degree. Who would have thought, that a dysfunction so deeply rooted, could have melted 35 years of pain, hurt, and lose. I was able to use my own positivity to help heal my own wounds, as well as try to restore the physical strength of loved ones in agony. It takes a really strong person to not fall into the trap of isolation and self pity.
All of us reading this magazine had channeled this kind of strength and will power to lead a life and beyond that which experts tried to limit us too. I never fully recognized my inner strengths. But each and every hurdle, blockade and barrier I came across, which called me to full attention, I knew I had to face. I knew I had to deal with it, and I knew I could not run. I had to take the bull by its horn, and all that came with it.
I also knew that I could neither avoid, or refrain, nor deny. My strengths came out of experiences that I just mentioned. This would help me to help others when they needed me the most. When my uncle struggled with Parkinson’s, I was able to give him my positive ways of thinking to deal with his disease and the pain it inflected upon him for well over 10 years. Throughout my life, achievements have come out of my own struggle and the inner resources I have used to maintain a strong mind, body and spirit.
Tags: Thinking differently
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Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008 by Karen Lynn
Three weeks ago, I sailed the pacific seas to the Gulf of Mexico. I stopped in the ports of: Cabo San Lucas, Loreto, Guaymas, Topolobampo, Mazatlan, Sinaloa, and Puerto Vallarta. This was an unexpected trip, to a part of the world, I always wanted to see. My in-law’s got an incredible deal on a cruise, and asked if we would like to join them. So how could my husband and I pass up such a wonderful offer. So we said yes.
However, my imagination, could not prepare me for what I was truly about to see witness, and, or stumble upon. The MS Ryndanm, and all their crew, were about to treat me with much care, and take me on a trip of a life time.
As I traveled the 2,726 nautical miles of breath taking seas, my sea legs became one with the ocean floor, and, I was prompted to remember once again, of all the things I have been blessed with, within my life; and that I have been given a chance to glimpse, observe, and participate in. We departed the shores of San Diego, on October 12, 2008, on a cool evening, as my husband, his brother, his wife, and my sister-in-laws brother all waved goodbye to the pacific shores we left behind.
This was the longest cruise I had ever taken or been on. But before we even traveled more that 100 knots, we were summonsed to a passenger boat drill to insure everyone’s safety. Although, minutes before, my sweet, hubby, Chris, left our room; on a heroic search to find ice cubes. I ask you? What was he doing looking for ice cubs at a time like this? After more then 5 minutes of wondering curiously, I began to get a bit frantic.
Where was he when I needed him the most? As on our last voyages to sea, he was right by my side to help me tie my life jacket to my person. This time, however, his timing was off, and got discombobulated by where our cabin was laid out. So I pulled out our life jackets from the closet and proceeded to walk to my destination point with concern.
Over a hundred people passed me by to get to their designated station. Fortunately, for me, while walking, I found all my family members except for Chris, whom I wanted to, find the most! Then, after a few moments of worrying and laughing, with my family jokester, my husband almost pasted me by.
“Hay honey, where do you think you’re going?” As I tried to direct and real him in with my voice, while my newly adopted brother-in-law, Willie, was making me, and his sister Laura, giggle uncontrollably. After we were all lined up like penguins, four sort bells and one long bell rang as we were dismissed to go, and play. We were off to commenced voyage to Cabo San Lucas where clear skies and fresh gales awaited us.
Port after port, my mind took hold on the vastness of what I was seeing. I tried to capture pictures both in my mind, and with my photo lens, as I snapped the images that reach out and touched me the most. Harbor after harbor, I saw the poverty of the Mexican people. Yet, I also saw an attitude of desperateness, need, kindness, and gentleness; longing in there eyes everywhere I went. Not like in the United States where greed saturates our country, and our hearts and minds. These men, women, and children are grateful even through much haggling takes place in the market place and amongst the streets. They struggle with a reminder everyday of what we take for granted.
While riding on a bus into Guaymas and Topolobampo, the passengers were told by the guide of the great destruction from a hurricane not more than two or three days before we arrived in their city. The guide explained how in some parts of the city there was no infrastructure as it was just whipped out. Nevertheless, these men, women, and children pick themselves up and continue on only eighty dollars a week. It reminds me of what so many of our people go through in trying to carve out a living in our world. This is a direct representation, of the subtle injustice, that most of us in the disabled community deal with every day of their lives.
The next day we docked in Loreto, where my two brother-in-laws hailed a cab. Boy what a ride that was! When we started out, everything was smooth riding; as we saw the sites of the most rich and famous in their town. And hotels right off the water’s edge. But then, things got real bumpy! We were out for a ride of our lives! Instead of taking a paved road thirty minutes out of town, to an old Mission we wanted to see, we wound up taking a path that almost threw my husband for a loop.
The car we were using was not a four wheel drive. This lack of amenity made it difficult to travel and also unnerved my husband to no end. He was pulling his hair out with disgust, revolt, and fear. There were so many rocks, river beds, and obstacles to cross, that it sometime seemed “that we might not make it to the church on time.” Once we had gotten out of the cab, seen the sites, and had delicious casadia’s, and tacos; the road and return home proved much easier on everybody.
I truly felt a family connection with the taxi drivers, too. Through laughter, communication and connection, in their native tongue, and having married into a family that speaks the language fluently, it made the excursion and trip that much more comfortable, warm, exciting, valuable, and inviting.
Especially, our last stop! When my husband, my family, and I; visited the port of Puerto Vallarta. The cab stopped to let us observe the breath taking sculptures, to cross the street, and to visit and take snapshots of the awe inspiring sand castles. And oops! Yes, you got it! The street was so full of pot holes, rounded rocks, and gullies, that I took a flying leap into a hole, all by my little ol’ lonesome. No body by my side but me- I was walking alone and stepped right into it!
Thank God no one hit me! And thank God, I did not break a foot, or leg, and that it was our last dock to visit! If I were in the United States, I would have been terrified to be further hurt. Thankfully, I wasn’t. Thankfully all I got was a very, very sprain ankle and calve. Someone else in my shoes, or position, would have sulked, gone back to the ship, and perhaps, even gone home, but I didn’t!
The experience was not easy, as I was in pain, and could not walk like I normally do, but I found a way to keep smiling like I always do. In my mind I knew this was a trip and a moment of a life time. I knew it was truly a gift and so worth while.
Moreover, I knew that I might never ever get this kind of opportunity or chance to take in these majestic marvels again, so I forgot about my discomfort and smiled a ray of sunlight for Gods beautiful landscape, and backdrop. I also was shown how unconditionally I was loved and cared for by my family and complete strangers.
Thus, I immediately found gratitude in my own heart, and found new positive ways, to continue on my journey with gratification in my own inner self and being. My positive attitude, along with all my past triumph and tribulations, gave me a wonderful, exuberant energy, and willingness to make the best of a difficult situation for all involved.
I was so accommodating, that we went forward to visit the cost line’s and city scapes with pure pleasure and delight. So, with a bag of ice cubs, surrounding my leg, we visited an organic distillery, where all types of wine and liqueurs were made, and we drove to Casa Kimberly.
For those of you who do not know what Casa Kimberly is, it is now a bed and breakfast. Although in the early sixties, it was where Liz Taylor’s, and Richard Burton’s had their home. One could see the pink remaining bridge that linked the two homes together.
Even though I tripped and fell at my last port, I can’t express to my readers how wonderful, breathtaking, and joyous my time in Mexico and on the ship was.
Travel is something I feel is very vital, freeing, emancipating, and uplifting for us all, but especially for the disabled community. The more communicative, active, visible, and perceptible we become, the more we partake in life’s precious activities; it cultures, and joys of the world, the more we can breakdown the stereotypes, and promote the truths of our lives and beings.
Tags: travel
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Thursday, September 11th, 2008 by Karen Lynn
When I sit quietly, and think over my life, as a rebel, advocate, and activist with a cause, I remember certain residue of the most frustrating aspect of dealing with my own disability. These remains have been the left over hurt and pain that were caused by the “attention of self styled experts” and people who wanted and had to have control at all cost.
Having been brought up to believe in the truth and goodness in man kind, I was won over, persuaded, and convinced by these so called experts, in the disabled community. These experts exercised restrained management to try and run other peoples lives, and have complete control and say so over our destination, despite what I truly believed was right for me, in my heart.
These experts tried on numerous occasions to impose their authority, their supremacy, and their power in many areas of my life. I personally had to struggle and fight back with everything I had, to ward off their arrogance in obtaining my education as well as in employment. Sometimes, I simply was not taken seriously or sincerely by both experts and those I worked with. My word was not regarded or deemed worthy.
For example, I was falsely labeled mentally retarded on three separate occasions. This was designed to force me to except what one particular expert wanted me to limit my life to. He believed himself to know “all” about what he felt I shouldn’t be allowed to do with “my” life. His opinions were designed around a very old fashioned, out-moded, and passé, concept of what we, with hidden learning disabilities, were supposed to theoretically do. We were sentenced to live life in a workshop setting. We were beaten and battered down to believe that, that was all we were able to handle and receive out of life.
What was even more frustrating was that this gentleman could not work himself without having an interpreter by his side. Who was he to tell me what my dreams and goals aught to be, or how I should direct my live. And, how dear he tell me where my interest lie!
So, the very person who should have been the most supportive, helpful, and kind to me, turned out to be the greatest obstacle of all. One situation at a time he impeded, held me back, and obstructed my future academic progress. It was not
only very irritating, infuriating, and exasperating to have to waste time being evaluated and judged severely, but it limited my future work.
This arrogant, haughty, disturbing attitude was shared by others too! Some of then where people I worked with. You would think it would be different. But this was not the case- as I found out this attitude was everywhere! They assumed that simply because they did not have a visible disability they had every right to make fun of me, belittle me, and minimize my contribution to myself, my life, others, and the world.
Some people refused to allow me to work as I chose and saw fit. They did not wish me to be an equal and productive person in society. These professionals found every way possible to discredit my abilities, my talents, and my aptitude of skills. I had to personally find clever and survival oriented techniques to persuade not only the experts, but those clients I worked with to make an effort to follow instructions.
These struggles resulted from the same attitude which doesn’t grasp our full potential and abilities. I think the greatest thing we can do as a community is to be committed to one another, help in any way we can, and have an active directed life-style. We must retain the right to express our own vision to the world in our own creative, original, genuine way. It is also very vital that we as disabled people are supportive of our own community, and all their dreams, wants, and desires.
Because of my situation, I have been thoroughly committed to giving back all of what I never received from these “helpful” counselors. In every jagged, angle of my journey, I have sought to be a voice when there was no voice for the unheard among us. All of us, in our own special way, ought to find it within the depths of our beings, to give unconditionally, unreservedly, and completely to our total cause. It will harm and hamper many if given with half-measures or haphazardly.
It is truly annoying to think of how much time we all must spend getting around a system that does not work. It wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see stubbornness so many show. The issue is no longer what is best for our own goals, but rather, how to impose the expert’s viewpoint and will upon us. We have the right as children of God, and citizens of a free country, to run our own lives. That must include the right to make mistakes, and learn from them. Our “friendly” experts think they are giving us a better life, but it is too often a comfortable slavery. They do not see with our eyes, and feel with our hearts, nor do they talk the same language as we. Like Sara in “children of a lesser God,” we must retain our will. That may be disconcerting to the normal community, but it is preferable to a life-time spent waiting to be told what to do, or fighting a system that just does not work.
Tags: intimidation
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Thursday, July 17th, 2008 by Karen Lynn
The Pied Piper’s Taps:
Al Gilbert, the legendary “Pied Piper of Dance,” was born, Allesandro Zicari, on July 12, 1921. Al came from a generation in time, when people valued one another and truly cared. During that time, people really seemed to genuinely treasure one another’s friendships and supported their endeavors. This was in an age and era without technology. Thus, people reached out more to one another. They talked, were friendly, and neighborly, and they built relationships and bonded. They tried to make life easier, more palatable, and they freely and without reservation lend a helping hand. People, of this era also assisted by helping unconditionally to those that were less fortunate.
Al Gilbert, affectionately known as “Uncle Al, Star Maker, Dance Educator, and “teachers’ teacher” career lasted well over 60 years. He was a no-nonsense instructor who inspired and motivated all. He was internationally known, and could simplify steps in a way no one else could. “At a time when nothing like it existed, Music works website says it best…Al’s revolutionary vision to create instructional dance material for dance instructors and their students generated a trend that changed the entire dance industry.” Al codified syllabi for tap and jazz and made a long, lasting impact on the dance world. From the earliest days, when he worked side by side with his brothers, on the back street-corners of Rochester, New York, Al Gilbert made dance even more accessible without even realizing it.
It was 1954, a beautiful spring day, in the state of California. My mother was driving down the street, Pico Blvd. in the city of Los Angeles, with me by her side, in our 1952, two tone, blue hardtop, Chevy. Momentarily, she looked up, and spotted a sign. It read “…Al Gilberts Theatrical Dance Studio. Being the progressive thinker and person that she was, she turned the corner, parked the car, took me by my little hand, and walked into his front doors to talk with him. That was well over 45 years ago. It was a very magical moment as he greeted us both. After seconds of entering his door, my mother and I both knew. It was my privilege to be his friend, his student, and become a teacher, who has carried on his precious legacy to our disabled community in so many ways.
There is not much talk or literature on Allesando Zicari, and how Al gave of himself and his time unconditionally to the disabled world. So I will. He helped all that came to him. Even those disabled girlfriends, who I went to school with; whom my mother personally recommended.
Al Gilbert, dance teacher, poet, author, and humanitarian, proposed to come to my handicapped elementary school and give of himself and his talents unreservedly. He was enthusiastic and eager to teach other disabled children, and give his time to our community. Although, even the master in taps that he was- because he did not have a college teaching degree, he was blocked by “the experts.” Time and time again he “proved it could be done” while the experts said it couldn’t! He was a leader in his own right, and made an impact on everyone’s life he touched.
Including mine! I remember that day well. I remember vividly. I was a young toddler, only three and a half years old. And, to remember so vividly, after so many years is truly a blessing. I remember how he unconditionally loved, me, and how he gently took me under his wing and nurtured me. I remember how he taught me to dance, and how he would look down at me with his smile. His kind and mild temperament along with his encouraging words, taught me how to hop, skip, jump and run. He also taught me to point and flex my toes, and gain movement in my ankle that I may never have developed if it weren’t for him. No therapist ever gave to me like he gave of himself. Because of his teachings, and his techniques; my once twisted body, straightened out, along with my left leg. Now, not only did my dragged foot and flopped, out to the side gate, correct itself- But I was able to hang my full length brace up in my closet never to wear it again at the age of 11 years old. His unwavering dedication and devotion week after week, year after year, recital after recital of lessons taken with and without my brace proved to dramatically change me and my physical being.
Gently but firmly, I remember him reminding me to bend my knees; while doing shuffles, shuffle hops, or shuffle bal-changes. I can recall him clearly telling me to turn my knee out for better positioning, and I can remember hearing his voice on his tap technique records. Al gave me a ballet bar too, along with a book about a little girl who had week legs, who got strong again through dance- only to become a ballerina. On another trip, he came back with symbols. His unwavering unique, and loving approach towards me, tried every way possible to motivate and encourage.
Every chance I could while at home, I would practice after all my other therapies lessons were done and completed. So, with discipline, a willingness, and an open –mind, I would put my record player on, only to hear Al’s soothing, voice instructing me as he always did.
I also can remember him making my lessons fun, calling my mother up to have her bring me into his studio for extra lessons, without any charge. He use to say to my mama… “…that Karen’s smile was payment in full… that that was all he needed.” On another occasion, he even began piano lessons. He made this fun as well, as his playful side would come to check up on me and the piano teacher every chance he could. Never once did he let on it was to make my left fingers and hand stronger.
I remember the closeness we had, and how our friendship grew and developed over decades and time. I trusted him, I respected him and his word, and I talked to him like he was my daddy, when I lost my own. He became the temperate figure I looked up to for strength and endurance. He became the rock and pillar in my minds eye to endue all. He gave me a quiet love, acceptance and devotion for not only dance, movement, and rhythm, but he bestowed upon me a burning desire and passion which could not be denied. His love and enthusiasm for music, rhythm, and man-kind was passed on, body, mind, and soul. I knew what I wanted to become, and I was going to become it. I was going to follow Al Gilbert’s footsteps even though I had Cerebral Palsy. I was blessed with the same gift, as Al… I was born to dance just like all the other students before and after me that he endowed with his skill and talent.
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Thursday, July 17th, 2008 by Karen Lynn
Pondering the Past, and Guiding Individuals Towards Their Future
Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Thank you for inviting me to your school today, and to share with you a part of who I am. This afternoon, I will not only read to you a piece of my autobiographical book,” The Broken Hoof,” but we will move together in rhythm, while teaching, and, I will empower you with some videos of where I have come from and what gifts I’d like to give to all of you. I’d liked to help you learn that “Anything is Possible” if you put your mind towards it.
You are all sitting here before me now, because deep, down inside of your own heart, you believe in yourselves like no one else does or ever has. You believe in your own individual’s gifts and talents. And you believe that you are very special, in a very unique way. Each and every one of you, just like me, I’m sure, has had to overcome challenges and extreme difficulties. We all have these difficulties and obstacles, however, not all of us have the courage and strength, to face up to them, accept them, learn from them, grow from them, and change our attitudes in a positive way, while becoming willing to do what ever it takes to reach the goal we desire so badly.
Today, we will find new techniques; new approaches, and new ways to bring about these changes within ourselves, our attitudes, our beliefs, and our lives. We will begin right where we are now. And we will do it with unconditional acceptance and kindness. We will learn to be gentle with ourselves and our feelings. And, we will learn to accomplish our challenges one at a time. Today we will have some fun exploring ourselves with some of these methods.
We as individuals, have the power to change, along with change the world around us, but only if we have that willingness. This willingness within, will take us on marvelous journeys, but only if we trust this power of belief, then and only then will our accomplishments be unlimited.
When I was your age, the young people who surrounded my world, were all disabled. Why, you might be asking yourself? Well, I’ll tell you. When I was five months old, I got very sick. It left me with the paralysis you see today on my left arm and leg. I could not go to a regular school, because I could not learn like other children my own age. I had a learning disability called dyslexia. This learning problem made it very, very, hard for me to read, write, and do math like the other children in my classes. Thus, I had to go to a school that had children with Cerebral Palsy, like me, polio, multiple sclerosis, down syndrome, and other disabilities.
These were the only young people that I knew. So I had to create different ways to learn. I had to motivate myself, and tell myself that I could pass a test. I had to learn to be open minded. I had to learn to believe in myself, and to believe that no matter what my outer appearances looked like, I could change it. I would keep telling myself that I could change my life and the world immediately around me.
The difference in having a disability now, verses when I was a child, was that the educational system did not have the laws that you have today. I was pushed into classes where I was not learning like the other children around me. And when my mother got the first special education teacher, by talking to the principal, I was put in a classroom, behind a screen, to figure things out for myself, while sitting all alone for hours at a time, to fend for myself.
Finding my dance teacher, Al Gilbert, changed my life completely. Through his caring, gentle, and poised composure, I learned by example what it took to give it to myself, and then, eventually to all of you. Everyone of you here today, are here because you want to be here, you want to change and make your life better, and, you want to find and develop your gifts and share them with the world. This is and can be possible. It is all encompassing.
I would like to share a little bit of the journey I took to try to change some of the attitudes about what people with my disability were able to do. I spent a lot of time trying to put together the pieces of the puzzle called learning. Just as dance had made my body and spirit strong, now I was on a quest to find the tools which would unlock the door for me. Inadvertently, I helped unlock the doors for all disabled people.
I understood intuitively, that I would some day have to ultimately care for myself completely. To do that, I needed a good job. To get that job, I needed a higher education. And, I needed to learn all the things I never learned in 12 years of my fundamental schooling. The people, who were supposed to be helping me, sadly didn’t see thing the same way I did. They felt I should settle for something less than I believed I was capable of. To make a long story short, I fought and won the first Civil Rights Case in California, this guaranteed my right to earn an Associate of Arts degree in English and dance. While I was at college, I found helpers who understood my desire to learn all the things I never learned before.
This now led me to succeed in many different areas. I became an adaptive fitness instructor, an advocate, a published author, and a public speaker. My book, which I am going to read from shortly, was published in 2006, but took over twenty years to complete. And, in its infancy, it won second place in the Kaleidoscope Literary Prose Fiction Art award of 1983. I know every one of you has something to offer and give to the rest of the world. It is all about unlocking it. My hope is that my story and my visit here with you today, is the key that unlocks a door of deep desires for you. My other hope is that you find the power within yourself to succeed and the ability to be positive in every way. I hope that by me speaking here today helps you to find the area, the talent, and the gift you so joyously feel within your heart to give and share with the world.
A Long time ago, I found a poem by a famous British amputee; William E. Henley. He lost both his legs at the age of 12. When I first read these words, in college, these words from Maya Angelou sung sweetly in my spirit. Angelou first sees this as a mark of paternalistic contempt. She is held by a white superintendent in school who has just told her class, to be content to be athletes and cotton pickers. She turns it into an anthem or song of praises for our people and hers. It goes like this… “It matters not how strait the gate, how charged with punishment the scroll. I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.
I leave you with these sweet empowering words- take them home with you today to conquer and triumph! Make a positive mark on this world and leave a path behind you that no one else has ever left before.
Thank you for allowing me to share this with you, today. I will now answer any questions that you may have or that cross your mind.
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